


Swans

by obi_ki



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 06:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obi_ki/pseuds/obi_ki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Plans and dreams don't have to die as long as those involved are willing to change their expectations a bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swans

Title: Swans

Author: obi-ki

Pairing: Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan

Rating/warnings: PG, sexual references

Catagory: Qui/Obi, AU

Archive: MA, anyone else please ask

Warnings and Spoilers: TPM, but its not likely anyone here hasn't seen that.

Timeline: Immediately post TPM

Summary: Plans and dreams don't have to die as long as those involved are willing to change their expectations a bit.

Disclaimer: Everything Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilms. I am just playing in his world, borrowing the boyz and their accomplices and will return them all when I'm through. No money is being made from this, it is all done for entertainment only.

Author's notes: This story was inspired by a scene in the HBO series the Tutors. Thanks to JRM for providing such brooding inspiration. Thanks to ArcheologistD for the beta. Her comments and suggestions have definitely improved the story but as always I couldn't resist making a few additional changes so all mistakes are mine. Feedback of any kind is always appreciated, onlist or privately at kiowkqgj@yahoo.com

Dedication: This story is dedicated to my devoted and ever-vigolant betas Monalee and Merry Amelie. Swans is the fiftieth QO story I have written since Mona pointed me in the direction of the MA archive back in late 1999. Mona has been there with me since the first one, supporting, suggesting and using her red and blue fonts to help me improve as a writer and make my efforts into something worth posting. Although Merry Amelie has not been involved from the beginning, since volunteering to give me another set of eyes, her comments and suggestions have helped me to hone my skills even more. The boyz and I thank you both for all the time and effort you have put forth on our behalf.

********************

Qui-Gon stood at the edge of the lake, appearing to be taking in the beautiful view. In reality, he was seeing very little of the idyllic scene before him. Truth be known, he was hiding, much as he had been for most of the day since the healers had released him. The long days of recuperation and treatment had done the job of healing his body. The same could not be said for healing his spirit.

So much had changed for him in the past cycle and, for the first time in his life, Qui-Gon found that he was not looking forward to the future. Rash words spoken in desperation had caused a rift with his current padawan and given false hope to a small boy who wanted nothing more than to escape his dismal life and help others. Guilt that even hours of intense meditation had not been able to lessen was now his constant companion and he truly felt he deserved no less.

His eyes focusing on the pair of waterfowl meandering through the water, Qui-Gon struggled for serenity. Who would have thought that six simple words could create such havoc? 'I take Anakin as my padawan learner.' Even the reappearance of the Sith had not shattered Qui-Gon's dreams the way those ill-chosen words had.

Obi-Wan had managed to defeat the horned menace, had saved his idiotic master in the process and had become the first padawan to be knighted in the field in almost two centuries. Anakin had followed Qui-Gon's orders and stayed in the cockpit of the Naboo fighter and as a result had destroyed the droid control ship and turned the tide of the battle in favor of the Naboo.

With those interrelated events, the Council had realized that the boy needed to be trained and had decided to hold Qui-Gon to his pledge.

'I will train him then.' Five more words spoken out of frustration and now Qui-Gon would have to live with the results. The man he couldn't bear to lose was one step from walking out of his life for good and he had no one to blame but himself.

Now that the healers had released Qui-Gon from their care, only one thing remained to be done before Obi-Wan would embark upon his solo path. That ritual was the reason for Qui-Gon's current disquiet. Cutting a padawan's braid was always done in a private ceremony and allowed the master and padawan time to reminisce before they separated permanently. It would be Qui-Gon's final official act as Obi-Wan's master and one in which he had envisioned finally opening his heart to the man who held it.

During the period of Qui-Gon's convalescence, Obi-Wan had spent hours in his company each day. Those hours had been steeped in conversation about things both important and inconsequential and Obi-Wan's polite and respectful demeanor had seldom wavered. Even their discussions about Anakin and the basic training that Obi-Wan was currently overseeing had occurred with little discord.

Only when Qui-Gon had broached the subject of Obi-Wan's knighthood had the mask of deference slipped. His apologies had been dismissed or rebuked and any attempt at discussing Obi-Wan's meeting with Master Yoda had been closed down immediately. Even his congratulations had been ill-received so he had steered clear of any discussion of the braid ritual.

Trying to postpone the inevitable, Qui-Gon had snuck away from the medical facility after his morning exam without a word to anyone. His plan had been to seek calm and composure so that he could bring up the ritual without revealing his distress but he was failing miserably.

The birds swimming in front of him were doing nothing to help Qui-Gon's composure. They swam, side by side, the smaller of the two a body length behind and to the right of the other. Flapping wings bushed against each other at random intervals, they seemed totally in sync and content to just be in each other's presence.

"Did you know that swans are one of the few avian species that mate for life?" A voice coming from behind him said. "No matter what sub-species or planet of origin, if one of the pair dies, is displaced or forsaken, the other will remain alone until they die."

Qui-Gon didn't need to turn around to know who was approaching him. He knew that voice and Force signature even better than he knew his own and it spoke of his level of distraction that he had not even been aware of Obi-Wan's approach.

Before Qui-Gon could reply, Obi-Wan stepped beside him and continued. "In some cases, the mated pairs are even of the same sex."

Turning to look at his companion, Qui-Gon was caught off guard by the odd topic. "I was not aware of that," he replied, studying the man beside him. Outwardly, Obi-Wan seemed calm enough but through the Force it was easy to sense the hurt lingering in his aura. "Obi-Wan… I'm … " he began, but was quickly interrupted by Obi-Wan's continued explanation.

"Some avian scientists have even gone so far as to say that although the widowed swans remain part of the flock, only in duty will they retreat from a solitary existence," Obi-Wan said, his voice devoid of inflection. "They remain shrouded in grief for their lost partners until the end of their days."

Obi-Wan was silent for a long moment before continuing. "For years I looked upon my impending knighthood as a beginning - a time of hope and promise, the realization of years of training and the potential to explore avenues previously taboo. Now all I see before me is a solitary existence, duty and propriety cold replacements for unrealized dreams."

The emotions accompanying Obi-Wan's soft-spoken admission hit Qui-Gon like a plascrete wall. He looked into gray-green eyes and, for the first time since awakening in the medical center, Qui-Gon could see what had been so carefully hidden. Pain, grief and anger dimmed the normally expressive face and he was responsible. Suddenly, he didn't care what he had to do; he had to find some way to make amends.

Qui-Gon dropped to his knees and leaned forward until his forehead rested on Obi-Wan's boots. "Amabo te remittere." Ritual words in an ancient dialect, used only for the most serious of misdeeds. He held his breath, hoping he had made the right choice.

It seemed like an eternity but finally Qui-Gon felt hands against the sides of his face and heard the ritual reply. "Addo venia." He allowed Obi-Wan to pull him to his feet and when he could once again meet his padawan's eyes he continued. "I was an idiot. I allowed my pride and anger at the Council's intractability to overrule my better judgment and I hurt you deeply in the process. I wish I could go back in time, take back those words, and undo all the damage I've done but sadly that's not possible."

"A wise man often told me that regret is a wasted emotion," Obi-Wan replied with a sad smile. "All we can do is learn from our mistakes and move on. Too bad that moving on for us means moving apart."

Suddenly, Qui-Gon could not accept that. "It doesn't have to. We can find a way around this."

"How?" Obi-Wan grumbled. "I've just been knighted. As soon as you cut my braid, I'll be sent into my revolving door of first-year missions, lucky to set foot back in the Temple once a quarter. You have a new padawan waiting in the wings, a boy whose midi-chlorian count is off the charts and who is five years behind in his training."

Qui-Gon wrapped Obi-Wan's braid around his fingers. "I had so many dreams about this day. The day when we could finally talk about it, about us. What I would say, how you would respond."

Obi-Wan reached up and covered Qui-Gon's hand with his. "I had dreams too. But now it's too late." He dropped his hand and turned his head. "I never understood why you followed the Code in this when you so easily ignored it about so many other things."

"Because I agree with the Code in this, as you well know," Qui-Gon admitted. "We can't undo the past, only look to the future." He tugged on the braid he still held until Obi-Wan turned back to face him. "If your knighting had come about in the traditional fashion, how did you imagine this day?" He attempted to stall Obi-Wan's argument before it could begin with an added, "Humor me, please."

"Why? I don’t see how doing this can bring us anything but pain," Obi-Wan grumbled.

"All we ever really have is the moment, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said as he dropped his hand back to his side. "As Jedi, we dart from one battle to the next, from one galaxy-shattering crisis to another, never knowing if we'll survive to see another day."

"What you're saying only supports my position," Obi-Wan countered. "Our moments together are in the past."

"Not all of them. I've never been a man to look to the future, but in your case, or maybe more specifically our case, I allowed myself an exception," Qui-Gon admitted.

"We can have a life together, you and me. It may not be the same day-to-day relationship that we enjoyed over the past twelve years but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be full and satisfying,"

The scowl on Obi-Wan's face deepened along with the tone of his voice. "How? Between my missions and yours, we'd be lucky to see each other three or four times a year. For established couples, maintaining this kind of relationship would be challenging enough, for new lovers it would be next to impossible.

Trying to cut the tension with a little humor, Qui-Gon smiled. "It's not like we haven’t faced the impossible before, my padawan."

When he didn't get the reaction he wanted, Qui-Gon allowed his smile to fade. "What we lack in quantity we can make up in quality - our times together will be all the sweeter due to their irregularity. And unlike most new lovers, we are not strangers learning all there is to know about one another."

It was barely noticeable but Qui-Gon took the diminishing scowl on Obi-Wan's face as a positive sign and pushed forward. "We've had twelve years sharing our lives, dreams and fears in ways that most lovers never get close to. I would hope that our familiarity and comfort with one another would go a long way to smoothing over any rough patches we might go through."

"I guess that's true," Obi-Wan finally admitted. "But that doesn't change the fact that if we decide to do this, to explore the path we have both held close in our dreams, we would basically be long distance lovers, sharing borrowed moments and frenzied rendezvous. We'd be spending much more time apart than we'd ever get to spend together."

"When the alternative is never getting to experience being lovers, never getting to spend any time together other than the rare times duty brings us together, for me there's no decision to make." Qui-Gon once again grasped Obi-Wan's braid between his fingers. "Live in the Moment with me, Obi-Wan."

A glimmer of hope sparkled at the edge of the despair clouding the gray-green eyes. "I want to, oh how I want to," Obi-Wan whispered.

"We can make this work, Obi-Wan. It may not be the life we dreamed of and it probably won't be easy, but we'll be together in heart and soul, even when we must be apart physically."

Turning back toward the pond, Qui-Gon gestured at the pair still swimming side by side among the lily pads. "We are swans, Obi-Wan, destined for one another by love and the Force. Don't make both of us live our lives in solitude and isolation, for no better reason than that things didn't work out exactly as we planned."

"And if we can't make it work? If we can't make the transition?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Then at least we'll know that we've tried." Qui-Gon slid down onto one knee and looked imploringly at his padawan. "Let's complete the braid ritual, sever the ties that hold us together as master and padawan, and create a new connection from the love we bear for one another. Time may become our enemy in the days to come but for now it's our ally. We have the rest of today for sure and tomorrow if we are lucky. Let's make the most of that time and deal with whatever the future brings when it reaches us."

For the first time since Obi-Wan had joined him at the lake's edge, Qui-Gon was gifted with a true smile. "Padme has retreated to her parent's country home for a day of rest and has taken Anakin with her. They will not be returning until mid-day tomorrow."

Without releasing his hold on the braid, Qui-Gon rose to his feet. "I assume that you have assigned quarters?"

"Very opulent assigned quarters, with a very large and extremely comfortable bed," Obi-Wan replied. "Would you like me to give you a tour?"

"Very much. Shall we?" Qui-Gon asked, taking a step towards the guest residence complex.

Obi-Wan grabbed hold of the sleeve of Qui-Gon's robe and stopped his forward momentum. "Don't you need to get your things?"

"I have everything I need at the moment," Qui-Gon replied, releasing the braid and twinning his fingers with the hand on his sleeve. "And I'm certain someone from the medical facility can have them delivered to me later."

"Then let's go," Obi-Wan agreed, tightening his grip on the hand that held his as he began to walk.

Qui-Gon matched his pace to Obi-Wan's and together they were quickly retracing the path he had so lethargically walked a few hours earlier. The melancholy that had plagued him on his walk to the pond had completely evaporated and suddenly the future was looking bright indeed.

He didn't know exactly what the future would bring, but he knew one thing. He and Obi-Wan would be facing it side by side and, for Qui-Gon, that was all that mattered. They were two beings bound together forever. Like the pair of swans circling the Queen's pond.

The end.


End file.
